Hi There
Stillbirth is a life-altering trauma that taught me the slow, sacred work of navigating grief when dreams have been silenced. The silence that follows a stillbirth is profound. The grief is isolating. But more than that, the experience is traumatic. Your body prepared for life, and instead, it met death. Healing isn't about forgetting; it’s about integrating your story into a future where you are the author. I provide a safe, informed space to help you move through the 'after' and into a life of peace and purpose.
My Story
My name is Charlotte Allen. At the age of 20 I became pregnant with my first child, my only son. On June 11th 1999 I went into labor. When I arrived at the hospital I started throwing up. I was wheeled to the room and a monitor was placed on my stomach. The nurse quietly walked out of the room and then another nurse came in. The second nurse walked out and then the Dr. came in. I remember feeling like something is not right. I asked the Dr. what was wrong and he said "We can't find a heartbeat on your baby and there is no fluid in the sac." I had no clue what that meant but didn't understand why they weren't moving faster. I said "So there's nothing you can do?" He said, "No". I was in shock. I felt out of my body. I was cold, and drugged, so I was wondering if I this was real or was I dreaming. Then I heard the Dr. say push. I was able to hold my son and see his little toes, eyes, hair...he was perfect but all of my dreams and hopes for him were gone. As I laid in that hospital room that night I heard the babies cry and I couldn't sleep. I still couldn't believe it was real. One nurse came into the room and told me that she was moving me to a private room no matter what the others said she didn't care. I was happy to be in a different room but still couldn't stop thinking about my baby. I laid there and begged God to bring my baby back, to let them say they had made a mistake but that never happened. The next day I was sent home with a red folder that contained a polaroid of my sweet baby, clippings of my babies hair and a document with his tiny footprints. When I got home every trace of a baby coming home was gone. Crib...gone...all baby shower gifts...gone...diapers, baby blankets...it all was GONE!
Over the next few weeks I cried everyday most of the day. Some friends disappeared, some stayed and checked up on me. I remember calling my job to let them know my baby had died and that I had to have a funeral for him, they said "when do you expect to return." I quit due to the lack of compassion. The father had become verbally and emotionally abusive and life was crashing down all around me. He even got rid of the red folder that contained the only tangible visuals I had of my sweet baby. I understand he thought it was helpful but some of those things I cannot get back. My dad was one of my biggest support systems. I could call him anytime to cry, vent and express everything I was feeling. That was a trauma that took about 13 years to navigate through, even after I had my rainbow baby.
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Two years later I prayed for a beautiful daughter and on April 10th 2001, she was born. Today I have 4 beautiful daughters and have been married for 12 years (not to my son & first 2 daughter's father). Helping women who are going through what I went through is my passion. When I needed help it was there but sometimes hard to find. I want you to know that you can make it through. You do not have to find your way back to yourself alone.
For Corporations & Facilities
Have questions? Are you an Employer or Hospital and want to learn how to respond to employees who are returning to work after a stillbirth and mothers who are leaving your facility and have experienced stillbirth and you want to do more. Email me at: stilljunesupport@gmail.com